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Post by Metella on Nov 11, 2005 14:48:22 GMT -5
.... and familys of above who have to go months and years at a time without their loved one.
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Post by Observer2 on Nov 11, 2005 16:31:19 GMT -5
I’ll combine the two current themes of this thread – I’m thankful that my nephew is still alive. He’s been in Iraq for several months now. He’s an Army engineer, stationed in Baghdad, and I must say that it gives Veteran’s Day a whole different level of immediacy.
My nephew went into the officer training program as someone I still thought of as a kid, just out of college. He was very bright, just starting to think deeply about issues affecting this country and the world, and a very caring and thoughtful person. He came back from training as a young officer – stronger, more solid, more mature and more responsible than I’d ever seen him. I’ll never think of him as ‘a kid’ again. He responded to the training in an amazingly positive way, and every change I saw in him afterwards was a change for the better – a change that helped him explore his own potential and be more fully himself.
And then they sent him to Iraq.
That’s gonna change him, too.
He went into it with a good grounding and a lot of strength of character. But I’m concerned about what being in the middle of this kind of war may do to such an open-hearted young man.
Techguy,
If you read this, and if you’d be willing, I’d like to get some help from you on knowing how to be most supportive, both while he’s there and when he comes home. As an engineer he’ll probably never have to kill anyone, but I know that things he’s seeing and experiencing over there have got to be traumatic. Anything you’re willing to share might be helpful to others who have family members over there, as well; or we could take it to the PM system.
I have some idea of what it’s like to never feel safe, day or night, sleeping or waking. That’s part of why many abuse survivors feel a kind of kinship with Veterans. But I also know that soldiers in a war zone experience a whole different level of trauma.
I worked in a hospital for years, much of that in the ER and OR, so I’ve seen a lot of physical trauma, and more than a few messy deaths. But I know that’s nothing like seeing what happens to people when a bomb goes off beside them, or under their vehicle.
I keep thinking about how someone blew up kids who were gathered around GIs in the hopes of getting some candy, and all the different kinds of psychological effects something like that could have on the young soldiers over there.
In other words, I know enough to have some idea of how profoundly my nephew may be affected by being over there... but I don’t actually know what it’s like, or how to help. Any insight you could give would be appreciated.
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Post by Techguy on Nov 12, 2005 19:28:14 GMT -5
Observer, my thoughts and prayers are with your nephew in Iraq. I know I've written a little about my experiences in the Gulf War, but no amount of preparation or training can prepare you for what happens in a real war zone. But I'll try to help if I can.
You say your nephew is an engineer so he might be spared the horrors of combat. I hope you are correct, but from personal experience I can tell you, situations and logistics can change quite suddenly. I wouldn't wish my own experiences, or those you describe from news reports, on anyone.
As for suggestions about how to be supportive--I can also tell you from personal experience that the best thing to do, if it's possible to stay in contact with your nephew, is to remain as positive and upbeat as possible. Cheery news from the home front can go a long way to keep his morale up. This is the BIGGEST issue with military personnel on active duty.
I also strongly advise against discussion of politics related to your feelings about the war. It's important for those in active service to BELIEVE that what they are doing is right, regardless of whether or not we think the war is justified. There's time enough later on for that sort of thing, but I assure you, your nephew most likely is not interested in debates or arguments about the morality or value of his presence there. On the other hand, I'm sure you're very proud of him for his courage to act on his beliefs. Be sure to tell him so, and as often as you can.
But above all, be there for him to LISTEN if he wants to vent or just talk about his feelings and reactions to where he is and what he does. Most likely he will be most affected by being alone and far from loved ones, in a country with a completely different culture than he is familiar with. You can best reassure him he is NOT alone by staying connected and in communication with him with phone calls, e-mails or snail mail.
Along those lines, care packages will be most welcome, especially with the holiday season fast approaching. Being away from home and family at this time is very difficult. If your nephew can get snail mail, homemade goodies, photos, anything and everything will be accepted like manna from the heavens by someone in his situation.
Nothing can shake the blues or keep one's spirits up more than knowing family and friends back home are thinking of him often. One of my most lasting personal POSITIVE memories of my time in the service was receiving boxes of personal items, including a handmade picture frame with a photo of myself with my closest friends. It made my day then, and really helped me get through the next one. Trust me on this.
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Post by E. McCoy on Nov 13, 2005 11:46:49 GMT -5
Observer2 ~ My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for the safe return of your nephew. My brother is sort of in the service. He is in ROTC, but has attended basic and now wants to do his AIT (I think it is) training. He wants to go to Iraq, and while I think it's a noble deed, I do not wish for him or anyone else to be there. My mother and father are not dealing well with this either.
My dad is a Vietnam Vet and after his two tours there, I can imagine why he doesn't want my brother there. He is only 19 and I think does not fully understand what it is he is signing up for. But if he sticks with it I will support him, even if I do not agree with him.
On a lighter note I brought home the kitty yesterday...His name is Mr. Holmes. I named him Goren origionally but he must not have liked it b/c he dragged out a dearstalker my friends mom gave me years ago. So his name has been changed to Mr. Sherlock Holmes Esq, or Mr. Holmes for short. He is a 4 month old with special needs....he has some eye issues, kitty glacoma-kind of. Which is odd b/c I have had 7 eye surgeries over the years, so in a way he was a perfect match for me. if anyone wants to see pictures (I hope it's ok I post the link here (http://community.webshots.com/album/503256924OEvYau) thats where you can find them...
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Post by janetcatbird on Nov 13, 2005 18:08:37 GMT -5
Techguy, please know that I was thinking of you and the other veterans. I have a great respect for you and those who have served. Observer and E. McCoy, my best wishes are with your families as well.
To break from the somber tone, please don't think I'm being flippant, but E. McCoy, Mr. Holmes is adorable! I told you to check out his personality for the name! I'm so sorry about your own eye trouble, are things OK now or are you still in a series of procedures?
--Catbird
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Post by E. McCoy on Nov 13, 2005 21:25:01 GMT -5
Catbird, Yes you did, and my mom even agreed he looked like a Goren, but I guess this proves that he knows what he wants. He's a fun little guy. As to my own eye trouble for now it's fixed. I had nystagmus (3 surgeries), and cataracts (2 surgeries) over the years...first surgery was when I was 4 the last was just after my 21st birthday. The last two were to do lens implants to replace the removed lens's. Which was why my mother and I thought that Mr. Holmes with his eye trouble would be a perfect fit for me. I know what it's like. E. McCoy
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Post by Observer2 on Nov 13, 2005 23:09:08 GMT -5
Thanks guys, for the thoughts and prayers. Techguy, thanks so much for your thoughtful response. We talked about politics and the current administration plenty, both before he signed up and before he shipped out – he’s not there because he thinks Bush was right to start the war. But we both feel that now our country needs to do the best we can to mitigate the damage that we’ve done and leave Iraq better off, at least in some ways, than we found it; and he knows that I support him and all our troops in their difficult work over there. I’ll certainly take your advice, though, and not talk about the negative aspects of what got us over there. I’ll focus on the positive, both in news from home and in letting him know how much I respect him and his comrades. Thanks for giving me so much of a sense of how important communication from home is. I’ll work on being more regular and frequent with my emails. And thanks for the ideas about care packages. I’ll ask him or his parents if he can get packages, where to send them, and what if any restrictions there might be. I’ve never been very good about using the snail mail system, but I’ll work on it for his sake. I really appreciate your willingness to share about your experiences. Thanks. E. McCoy,I know it’s hard when someone you love is thinking of joining the Army, especially when they are so likely to end up in a war zone. With my nephew, my sister and I talked with him and drew him out on issues like what he wanted out of the experience, what he thought the risks were, and why it was so important to him. I think we hoped those discussions would get him to think it through more seriously and change his mind. Well, they did help him think it through more seriously – but that just led him more and more towards signing up. In the end, my sister and I both felt that he was making the right decision for him. And he has benefited from it in many ways. Obviously, I’m also concerned that he could be physically hurt or killed, and that he could be harmed psychologically. It was his choice to take those risks; but at the same time, I think you’re right – no one that age can really understand the nature of those risks. It’s hard to watch them take those chances. But I agree with you that once they decide to, all we can do is support them as well as we can. Your new kitty, Mr. Holmes, looks like quite a charmer! In one of those pictures it looks like he’s one of those cats who sometimes cradles his face in his paws when he sleeps. Of all the cute things that kitties do, I think that’s one of the cutest! I can see he has problems with his right eye. Do you know if he has any vision in it at all? If not, there are some games you can play with him to help him learn how to judge distance in ways other than through normal (binocular) depth perception. Since he’s a cat, if he can see at all he’s gonna try to pounce on things, jump up on things, and jump from one perch to another – so alternative ways to judge distance can be quite useful. I’m sorry you’ve had such trouble with your own eyes. I’m glad to hear that the surgeries were successful. I do think it’s interesting how often people and animals with similar problems end up picking each other, one way or another. From the human side, at least, I do think it helps us understand their issues more easily.
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Post by Metella on Nov 14, 2005 9:57:44 GMT -5
Observer, if your nephew knows of a soldier there that has no write to him - please get his snail mail for me and I will send out a holiday letter and card. I have no idea how to contact or send a letter, but really would like to extend some holdiay cheer.
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Post by Observer2 on Nov 14, 2005 23:40:09 GMT -5
Metella, what a kind and generous offer! I'll certainly pass it along.
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Post by Metella on Nov 15, 2005 7:56:08 GMT -5
Please do - I also some extra thanksgiving cards I can send out - but it may too late for this year. But I for sure would like to sent a general christmas card to a soldier who may be light on family!!! For that thought - any list of lonely soldiers - I'll send them all a personalized card.
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Post by Sirenna on Nov 15, 2005 17:18:57 GMT -5
I learned a lot from your request, Obs and your response, techguy.
You too are probably two of the most well-rounded people I've ever the good fortune to know.
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Post by Techguy on Nov 16, 2005 17:33:38 GMT -5
Observer, I'm pleased you found my suggestions helpful.
Catbird and Sirenna, thanks for your comments.
BTW, if anyone is interested in participating in the annual holiday mail drop (or whatever your local community calls their campaign for sending holiday wishes and cheer to US service men and women):
One possible resource is to check with your local VFW, American Legion or Veterans Hospital for a list of APO (Army Post Office) and FPO (Fleet Post Office) addresses. This program is designed to send holiday mail overseas to reach as many military personnel on active duty as possible.
The veterans organizations I mentioned should also have a list of requirements and/or restrictions with regard to sending APO and FPO mail. If in doubt, go to Oconus.com and enter the zip code of the APO or FPO address for more info on what's allowed and what's not.
For members of this board who are so inclined, please also include the patients at your local Veterans Hospital on your holiday card mailing list. And if there is a hospital nearby, please also consider calling and finding out their visitors policy and perhaps stop by for a visit. It would mean a lot for the patients to know their fellow citizens have not forgotten them.
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Post by janetcatbird on Nov 17, 2005 12:24:15 GMT -5
I don't know much about sending care packages overseas, but if anyone is going to do it you probably want to get moving. I don't know what deadlines are, but the holiday rush is bad enough, much less trying to get through government red tape and security.
I know that for veterans day the Student Veterans' association pitched a tent outside the library for people to stop by and either camp out or just watch movies projected on a wall. They also handed out yellow ribbons. There was concern about this being a liberal, artsy-fartsy, anti-war campus but people respect their service and, as far as I know, treated them well. I've heard people say that this is at least one step up from vietnam, being able to criticize policy without beign ugly towards those in service. I think the registrar's office is trying to work out some way to get extra hours of transfer credit for soldiers who have spent time overseas, but I don't know how that's working out. Still, I think it's a very nice touch to try to make things at least a little easier coming home.
To digress yet again, although this is fairly relevant, it's that time of year, cold and flu season. And I'm stuck in a dorm. For the past week I've been croaking and all stopped up, but according to the health center it's just a virus and all I can do is sleep and drink lots of fluids to wait it out. And wash your hands frequently. (My roommate is all but wearing a surgical mask, but then I got this from her in the first place.) Although, if I can make a drug reccomendation, Alavert-D. There be some serious juju in those pills, amazing what they can accomplish in a couple of hours. However, sickness, fatigue and drugs make me a bit loopy, especially when trying to wrap your head around obscure philosophical concepts.
Reasons #546-547 why Catbird should not be on cold medicine when reviewing texts for a critique: "So for Nietzsche, what, castration is for weenies?" "Freud: The original mo-fo."
I'm wondering how much of that I can slip in my paper and get away with...
--Catbird
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Post by domenicaflor on Nov 21, 2005 0:48:56 GMT -5
I'm 4 days early, but I'm sending Thanksgiving wishes to all ahead of time. This way, I won't forget, since my brain is like a sieve lately.
Peace and good health to all,
D.
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Post by NikkiGreen on Nov 22, 2005 17:15:40 GMT -5
To you all South of the 49th parallel.
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